God truly does consider the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4). While at first we may not see it, over time, He begins to reveal to us what our hearts truly desire. If we are for Him, it is His will and He uses our passions and our loves for His purpose. This makes our work for Him that much more amazing, because it isn't coming from our deceiving minds, but our hearts, our hearts that are filled with Him.
A few months ago I sat down with my best friend and brother over some sushi. In our conversation I poured out my heart's desires to him. I had never expressed myself like this. In a sense, I made myself vulnerable. Essentially I told him I was envious of him. He was doing something I wished I could do. He was serving God, but in a way that to me is both difficult yet most rewarding to the Kingdom. He was ministering to the Youth, i.e. tomorrows leaders.
See to me, there is nothing better than taking the knowledge and wisdom that God has given me through life's trials and giving that to someone else. Additionally, I always had a heart for teaching. I remember I used to tutor SAT Math and AP Calculus Math for fun, teaching was always something I enjoyed, it was fun.
So here I am pouring myself out to him and he just looked at me and responded saying: "And what are you waiting for? You can do it if you really want to." He proceeded to tell me that God uses anyone and everyone to do his work, no matter what they thought of themselves. I knew this, but why would God use me? What would I have to offer God? I mean look at me, I've only been back in church for a few months, and at the time of this convo, I wasn't even in church, I was still doing my own thing and "finding" fulfillment in the world and its "glory".
So we departed ways and went about the rest of our days, but his words stuck with me. Funny thing is, a week later I started going back to church. In that same week, his wife sent me a text after she invited me over to their house. "So you I hear you wanna join us Uth Leaders?" Did I ever, but I responded just saying I was thinking about it. Mind you, I had no intention of doing so, I didn't think I was worthy, nor was I qualified, it would take years for me to do anything.
This past January I joined Financial Peace University, they met on Friday nights, same as Uth group. The first Friday I was there, I left, though I wanted to say hi to my friends who served. That night I got a text from my friend's wife again asking where I was. After she found out I was going home, she told me that next week I should stick around to say hi. I did just that, and a funny thing happened, I started talking to the kids, no not just talking, sharing. It was pretty sweet. This continued for a few weeks until through a series of events I found myself applying for Uth...
This past weekend, there I stood, in front of my best friend, at Jose's ranch, for a Uth Leader retreat. I looked at him and said, "Remember that convo we had back in December? I can't believe I am standing in front of you right now." "Bro, God knows the desires of your heart man." It was then that it sank in. God is listening to me, I like a fool sometimes think He isn't, but looking back, he really is.
Trust me when I say this, He hears you, and He will not be mocked, He knows what He is doing, He is without shadow of turning (James 1:17), which is to say, He has no dark side, and while sometimes we ourselves might feel like we are in the dark, just know that there is light, you just have to look up.
There is a second part to this post, I wanna touch on some stuff He showed us while in the wilderness...