Thursday, February 11, 2010

I am Understood?

And through the times I've faded and You've outlined me again....

Tonight I went to the CCk College and Career group, let me just say this to you now, YOU SHOULD GO! Their, that was my pitch.

Tonight as we discussed Matthew 7:1-23, something hit me. Maybe it was God convicting me, maybe it was my own doubt, but something slammed me in the face with guilt. At one point, I felt as if I wasn't a christian, as if everything I had lived for my whole life was gone in an instant. It was at that point that I realized I was living in the wrong frame of mind.

Yesterday we had a teaching on idols, and while I was quick to point out idols within myself, I was also quick to forget just how serious it was. I was quickly reminded. As we spoke on verses 21-23 and looked at how even those who cry out Lord Lord, would not be allowed into the kingdom of heaven, I froze. I said to myself "Will that be me? Am I one of those who now cries Lord Lord and will eventually fail?" I began to question myself, I questioned where it was my heart was and what were my motives for being? All my life I have struggled with this. Being a person with anxiety and doubt, questions like this have plagued me most of my life....but God....

Pedro always says that in the Bible, you have all these horrible things happen, But God.....meaning, But God is always there to pick you up off your feet and lift you higher than you have ever been. It was in that moment sitting there, questioning myself, that I realized what a wretch I was, because at that exact moment, I realized that I sometimes do things for the wrong reason, yet tell myself it is for God.

Reality, there is no reason other than God....period, end of discussion. I don't care how big your ego, or how great your purpose, or how good you think it might be for you...He is it and whatever it is we think we might know, we don't. Sorry if I seem so abrupt, but I guess I am upset at myself for being so selfish at times, to do things for myself, and not give them to God.....we shouldn't question ourselves, nor should we doubt ourselves, rather, we should check ourselves from time to time and always remember to assess ourselves, making sure that our heart is in the right place...

We shouldn't be desensitized to the ideals and morals (or lack thereof) of this world, truth be told, this world is getting sicker and sicker by the day...

We shouldn't take credit for the things he does. I have this friend of mine, best friend really, who I constantly thank for being such an amazing influence in my life and who I honestly thank God everyday for having blessed me with them. Without this person, I sometimes think I would never have made it back to God. Every time I thank them, they are quick to remind me of who I should thank, "After surgery, do you thank the scalpel, or the doctor?" We are just His tools, that is it. God does not exist for us, we exist for God. We are His tools....each with our own purpose...

I started this blog trying to come up with a clever title, however, it isn't until now I realize what the title should be........The answer is yes, the person being asked is God, the question.....I am Understood?


  1. good stuff. But God- favorite words too!!!
    Here is my life verse, hope it helps as you refocus: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33

  2. Funny part about that verse is that God showed it to me last night at 2 in the morning....I guess He is reinforcing it through you lol :)

  3. that's what Consuela's do... we are the reinforcment team for Jesus.